If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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