Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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