At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
