Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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