It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
