He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
