I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
