12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Text me some of your sweat
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