I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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