it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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