He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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