My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
