I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
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His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
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I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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