I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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