i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
