No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
