she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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