If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
