My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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