I just cut my nipple shaving
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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