Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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