so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
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You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
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Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
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