new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
