I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
