i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I believe in your delicious
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
