You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
