mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just threw up on my dentist
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Randomize