You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
do herpes really smell.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
