Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
