Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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