well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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