just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
