Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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