Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
