I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made out with two different species that night
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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