Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Randomize
