how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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