I'm gonna have a badass scar
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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