when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
