There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
