so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
try to milk me bitch
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