I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
