Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
