Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
