Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
