On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
