My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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