I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
