just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
