Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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