i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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