I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
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How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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