My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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