I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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