In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
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