piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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