Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
