he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
She told me I should be a condom model.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
