I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
