woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Brb crying the tears of my youth
My ass is underappreciated
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
