It's like a parade of train wrecks.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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