The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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