Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
