laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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