Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
