Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
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No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
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Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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