8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
