I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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