So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
