Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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