I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
