Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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