i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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