hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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